This morning was a tough one. I was not in control when I woke up. Anxiety was ruling me. I don’t know why. I usually can identify my triggers but not today. I woke up anxious. The thought of getting out of bed and leaving the house had me panicked. Fighting against it had me exhausted.
After maybe a half hour of trying to reason with myself, I concluded I just wasn’t ready. Fortunately today was not a day when I had to force it. I had some leeway. I took it. I went back to sleep. I just took a brief nap, less than an hour. Then I started my day. It would be a day of routine errands, nothing too heavy.
While I was out I felt that cloud of anxiety creeping over me again. First at the bank. Then at a few more of my stops. When I arrived back home I was discombobulated. I found myself walking from room to room for no reason. I eventually sat myself down. I went over my to do list and saw that I was done. I sat and ate quietly. Then I went into the kitchen for therapy.
I made baked glazed donuts for the first time. The task took me roughly ninety minutes. It was a quiet and calming ninety minutes. As I prepped, measured, and mixed I felt at peace. This is all I need; quiet and my kitchen.
I’m one of those people that benefit greatly from an occasional change of scenery. My problem is when I need it the most it seems to be out of reach. I go through periods when I have no days off. It leaves me exhausted and longing for a vacation. Where could I possibly go if I only have one day off a month?
In my experience being self employed in my line of work is so much more stressful than working in corporate. However, when I weigh everything the rewards make it worth those stressful periods. If given a choice I would not go back. I’ll take several contracts with no days off to offset the times where no offers are on the table. It seems logical that I would use that time period to recharge and take a vacation. Sometimes I do. Other times I don’t in fear that I’ll get an offer while I’m gone.
So now there are two issues. I either barely have a day off which doesn’t allow time for a vacation or I have weeks off and am afraid to leave town. I have found staycations to be the solution. I can spend just one night away from home. I don’t miss any opportunities. I get the much needed change of scenery and usually I return home refreshed.
You may be thinking there’s nowhere to go in your home town. Look closer. Check out your towns tourism guide. You may discover a new place to stay or rediscover a place you have forgotten. I just came back from a night just over my state line. The drive was under 60 miles. I got to experience the shopping, dining, and hotel hospitality. It was just one night but it was enough. I’m in a good head space to return to work. I’m already looking forward to my next escape.
It has been a while since my last post. I have been keeping quite busy but still wanted to check in. I am fine and well. Many things are in the works for what I hope will be an exciting new year. I prefer not to share what is coming. Instead I will share some of what has been keeping me away.
I have been fortunate to be quite busy with my brand ambassador and promo work. I have also gotten plenty of audition opportunities lately for which I am so grateful. I have even expanded my online selling to some degree. The last few weeks have been literally no days off. I am exhausted but mostly I am grateful.
I am grateful for friends and strangers that have offered their support. I am overjoyed to be surrounded by people, women mostly, that are genuinely happy for me. There is no competition, no jealousy. It is all love and support. I am grateful for all that take the time to visit my page and leave comments; private or public.
It is my hope to be able to reveal all that has been in the works by January 2020. In the meanwhile I just want to say, thank you. I appreciate you. Your support continues to motivate me.
“I was wrong.” For some those are the hardest three words to say, but why? I strongly believe admitting when you are wrong is essential to personal growth. It is also a marker of ones self awareness. No one person is always right. That is human; and it is okay. The problem only arises when we realize the wrong and cling tight to it despite knowing. We have all said the wrong thing or made the wrong decision be it intentional or not.
Pride can be a double edged sword. Remembering that helps. I admit that I continue to be a work in progress. I believe I have made improvements. The people closest to me though may say different. I am trying to take the time to step out of situations and see them from different angles. I know I push self care and perseverance. At the same time self care should not push consideration for others out the door. There is a balance.
It is a process as is everything. Changes generally are not made overnight. It doesn’t happen that quickly; however the decision to improve can be made in an instant. It is not a straight path. At times you will fall short. I have. What is most important is admitting it and moving forward. I was wrong. I will likely be wrong again. When I am, I will acknowledge my wrong, acknowledge people that may have been affected, and move forward in growth. This may require examining the entire situation. In other instances it may be necessary to leave the whole incident in the past. Knowing the difference is another topic entirely.
No matter how independent you may be it is important to not rely solely upon your own understanding. Seek out a reliable “mirror.” I use mirror to describe any reflection of myself or in this case yourself. You may see yourself from another point of view by using your “mirror.” This could be a close friend, a relative, a spiritual guide, etc. For me it is typically my partner or prayers answered in other forms. Just be willing to see yourself as others see you. Be willing to see when it is necessary to say those three words. Try not to say them begrudgingly but out of a place of sincerity and grow.
Where did the year go? Wasn’t it just January yesterday? That’s how I feel. I’ll wake up tomorrow and everyone around me will be playing Christmas songs. Slow down! Did your year move fast too? Since we’re already into the last half of 2019, I thought I would take a moment to look back on what I have accomplished this year.
At first glance, it doesn’t seem like much being that January was just yesterday. Still let me take a look back. In January I was able to shoot two commercials before eloping, honeymooning, and then heading to Superbowl Live for a ten day gig. That was a busy month.
February moved in slow motion. It’s the shortest month of the year but it felt like the longest. March through July were basically one month. Though during that time I was able to add a few more clients to my promo resume and meet some wonderful people at tradeshows. I ran into some of my favorite artists/actors while working background and going to auditions. I was even able to sneak two more getaways in.
Now that I’m looking back I see I have actually made some moves this year and I am adding to my calendar every day. I woke up feeling somewhat defeated by time but that was the wrong attitude. That’s something else I have been working on this year, perspective. Someone told me I should approach tasks with the perspective of “I get to” instead of “I have to.” It’s a way to find positives in things I otherwise wouldn’t. I could easily focus on things that went awry but that does not benefit me. In fact, it harms me. Instead I choose to shift my focus elsewhere.
That’s how I plan to spend the rest of the year, focusing on the positive. Whether the rest of this year flies by or drags on I will make it my goal to find good in each day. Some days may be a challenge but I happily accept that challenge. I am so looking forward to what is ahead waiting for me. May you spend the rest of the year getting to do things that you love.
Travel is rewarding but the planning can sometimes be a headache; especially if you are planning for a group. I have a few vacation planning tips that make my travel planning experience a pleasant one.
If you know where you want to go, start planning early. You don’t have to book early but start comparing pricing. You’ll notice patterns. Historically, I have found the best airline pricing on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. If you don’t have a destination in mind and just want to get away, you can save big on last minute bundles. Nearly every travel site has last minute deals.
If you’re not yet ready to book, do your searching in an incognito tab. When sites collect cookies they also adjust prices on what you’re searching. Using the incognito tab will help you avoid price hikes.
Don’t be afraid to ask for extras, free extras. I have gotten my hotel upgraded from a King to a Suite just by asking. If you are checking in and there are upgraded rooms available, the hotel isn’t losing anything. I have done the same with late checkout requests. Just ask. While you’re at it ask for car rental upgrades and flight upgrades as well. The worst that can happen is they’ll say “no.”
Make a packing list. While most hotels will have anything you forget, it’s best to just have it in the first place.
Take pictures of your passport and any other important documents and email them to yourself. If these items are lost or stolen, having those photos could save you.
Lastly, once you book relax and start your countdown.
June has arrived and my smile could not be bigger. This is the best time of the year to be in the Mid Atlantic. With the sunny days, relief can be found from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). The sun is my serotonin. I am filled with excitement at the thought of all the outdoor festivals ahead. I can already smell the aroma of food trucks in the air and hear the live music. Just the thought of it brings me joy. Of course, it’s not all good. Warm weather comes with some negatives as well. I choose to focus on the good.
For now, my focus is on all the positives. I’m looking forward to long walks, beautiful landscaping, staycations, vacations, and flip flops. Let the festivities begin!
It was not my idea but my household is carb free for the time being. I have no idea how long this will last. Bread and pasta are my favs but I can’t think about that now. I accepted the no carb challenge.
Grocery shopping was easy. Here’s what we have eaten so far.
Few things are more devastating than plans gone awry but life happens. The good news is if you are wise enough to learn from the challenges you face, you will come out a better person. I try to use these experiences to positively add to my character and to be of assistance to others that are facing similar situations. Doing this allows me to stray from feelings of anger and bitterness and instead express gratitude. I know when you are pained or disappointed the last thing you’re thinking is to be grateful. However, when the dust settles you will be able to identify the positives. Here are some of my tips for overcoming.
Self reflection is key. I try to take a step back and examine the role I played. I also look for missteps like signs I may have ignored. Taking responsibility for how my actions may have contributed to an outcome will assist me in not repeating the same mistake. At the same time I want to avoid beating myself up. This serves no real purpose.
Next I allow myself to be in my feelings. Anger is okay. Sadness is okay. I just remind myself not to live in these feelings. Acknowledge them, experience them, and then move on. Never allow yourself to stay down for too long.
Now this is where my village comes in. Talking to people you trust helps immensely. I am grateful to have a small circle of people who I can depend on. They always know what to say and what to offer. For me it’s usually just a listening ear or another perspective. The people who love you generally will not steer you wrong, at least not intentionally.
As my life changes in ways I could not have expected, I can not help but smile and feel joy when I think about the people that love me. It is a beautiful thing to love and to feel love. That love allows me to keep my smile throughout all things.
One of my favorite things to do is take a spa day. The thing is, I have fallen into a routine. I always request the same treatments. Today I decided to try something new. I saw Lipo Fitness on the menu and thought maybe this will give me a jump start. I have been setting goals, mapping out different fitness routines, and planning my meals. Adding a spa treatment could help, right? After reading the description, it was a go. I was expecting a body wrap that would maybe help shed some water weight. Here’s what happened.
Disclaimer- this treatment is not for those uncomfortable with being fully exposed during treatment. It isn’t like a massage where one part of the body is exposed at a time. At times you will only be in the disposable panty, no towel. Also, your hair will get wet. Even with the shower cap, your hair will get wet.
So the treatment started with me on my back. The table was covered in plastic. The silly part of me went straight to Dexter. “This is how he starts his kills,” I thought. Then I snapped back to reality. I wasn’t about to be murdered. I was about to be pampered. I was covered in mud from my neck to my toes. Then I was completely wrapped in plastic. The plastic was then topped with what felt like a weighted blanket. It was warm and soothing. It didn’t take long for me to drift off into sleep.
I awoke just as the therapist re entered the room. It was time to wash off the mud. She uncovered me and turned on the shower heads. After the thoughts of water boarding left my mind I really started to enjoy it. Warm pulsating water hitting every inch of my body as she removed the mud. Now when I flipped onto my stomach, that was a little uncomfortable. This wasn’t a massage table with a head attachment so I had to position my head on the pillow in such a way where I could still breathe. I laughed to myself throughout the entire treatment but I really enjoyed it.
Next was exfoliation. I felt like I was exfoliated no less than six times. She was thorough and attentive. After the exfoliation it was shower time again. Lastly there was a full body application of moisturizer. The experience wasn’t quite what I expected and that is not a bad thing. I don’t know if there were immediate slimming results. I didn’t check. I can say though, that I walked out of the spa feeling taller and firmer…also a little sore as if I had just worked out. I love that kind of sore. I hope this helps you decide whether the treatment is right for you. As for me I will be back.