Today’s trip to the doctor was like being dropped on my head. There is nothing like having someone hold a mirror to your face and show you how much you have been lacking. I knew but for whatever reason it wasn’t real until day.
I went for my back pain which has been an issue since I was rear ended in 2010. While I was waiting to be seen I noticed the scale in the hall. I forgot about that part. I don’t weigh myself at home. I measure myself but I stay off the scale. I knew the scale was going to reflect a number seemingly unhealthy for my height. I was dreading it. When it was my turn, I hadn’t quite decided if I would look. Once I got on the scale, my breasts decided for me lol. I couldn’t see past them to the number on the scale. I contorted so I could see. Then I tried to justify the number. It can’t be right. My movement could’ve threw it off. Plus I was wearing shoes…and layers…
Then it was time for my vitals. Anxiety hit again. Would my blood pressure be elevated? Then I start thinking about strokes, heart attacks, medications. By the time the doctor came in. I had lost focus on my back and started thinking about everything else.
What was the outcome? Well the short version is, things that once came easy now have to be worked towards. Is that the answer I want? No. However, it is what it is. If I want to be healthy I have to constantly work towards health. I have to work harder to combat family history. I cannot neglect self care.
I already know some days will be harder than others. I also know the payoff will be well worth it.